Mess Monsters

I have the messiest kids ever.  Seriously.  They can just look at a room and make it messy.  I had spent all day cleaning house the day before so when there were quite a few things in the living room floor, I said to all of them in general "pick up your stuff and clean up the living room."  Riley said "it is clean" and then me "No, it isn't clean."  Chloe comes up to me and gives me a big hug and says "but it could be mommy, in your iMAGinAAAAAtion." 

It's been so long!

It's been awhile since I've had time to post, I do apologize to the handful of people who like to read this thing.  Between finishing up the last semester of nursing school (sweet!) and all the things going on with the kids, there's not been a lot of extra time.  And we've had snow!  I love snow days.  But now the costumes for the elementary Christmas play are still sitting here in my living room and the play was supposed to be tomorrow!  They'll pull it off, no doubt.

Our elementary school also does a "Christmas Store."  This is where the PTO sets up a store full of items the kids can buy for $1.50, and on the last day the kids who didn't get to shop have the opportunity to select items.  I spent my tour of duty at the wrapping table.   One little boy, a 3rd grader, brings this big box of things up to the table to be wrapped.  He very enthusiastically handed me each present telling me who the present was for so it could be labeled correctly.  Some of the gifts are items like "#1 Grandpa" tire gauges or "Worlds Greatest Mom" mugs.  He handed me a present and said "This is for my grandpa."  Then picks up a bright blue hat that reads "#1 Dad" and says "and this is for, well, that should be obvious."  Too funny!

Thanksgiving Cheese

Thanksgiving is one of those times my entire family gets together.  So many people you can barely find a place to sit down.  But this year a lot of people were sick and only about half the people were there.  It just didn't feel the same.

As I was taking pictures of everyone and it was Topher's turn, I tried to get him to stand in one spot by himself long enough to get a good shot of him in his little sports coat.  But he was having none of it and screamed and ran away and fought Rob when he tried to put him back, both of us telling him we just wanted to take a picture.  He runs off through my mom's house.  About a minute later, he comes back with a little folding chair (pink, leftover from the when the girls were smaller) and sits it down where I had tried to get him to stand for the picture.  He unfolds it, sits down and gets himself settled, then gives me this amazing smile and says "Cheese!"

I hope everyone had an amazing Thanksgiving full of family, friends, and good food.  I know what I'm thankful for this and every year and continue to feel truly blessed.

It's the little things in life...

"There's a few things I want in life mom, and this is one of them."  Riley, in the check-out line, talking about a Lindor Truffle.

How Politicians are Born

He hits me, I hit him.  It's a process. 

All kids fight, don't they?  When I was little, my sister and I fought all the time and I was constantly left out when my cousins came over because I was the youngest.  Today, our own children are much the same and they like to leave out Chloe, which we all try out best to discourage.  Don't want the poor thing to end up warped like me, now do we?

  Riley and my nephew Taylor love each other to pieces.  But they're just like any other 7 year old duo and when it comes down to who started their scuffles, it's always a matter of he said she said.  

Pictured: Riley and Taylor at their
1st grade basketball game last year.

The kids were playing outside today at my mom's when Riley came in crying, holding her stomach, showing me how red it was and saying my nephew had kicked her.  "He just attacked me!" she whined.  Knowing that wouldn't be the whole story, I didn't baby her too much.  A few minutes later, he comes in and shows me his lip, which had been bleeding.  According to him "She started it."  They were both fine at that point so no need to hash it out.  At dinner, I asked Riley "so what happened first?  You busted his lip or he kicked you in the stomach?"  Her very vague and political reply?  "I hit him, he hits me; he hits me, I hit him.  It's a process."

Typhoid Sitters

I'm learning my nursing skills by my surroundings.

We've all been sick around here.  It's been 6 weeks now and stomach bugs and strep have made the rounds through our house, more than once.  Everyone's on the mend, including me, but Chloe's still very sick with scarlet fever.  As Chloe first started to feel bad and get a fever, Riley began to describe the symptoms for me.  "She was 99, then she was 99.8 and then she was 99 again.  It was the cold cloth." :pause: "Hey, I'm kinda like a nurse already.  I'm learning my nursing skills by my surroundings."


We're keeping comfy camped out in bed with cartoons and movies and games.  Thanks to everyone who's been helping out and for all the get well wishes!

Thanks for the title Lisa.  :-P

Randomly funny

Riley brought me her poor decapitated Ken doll and asked me if I could fix it.  I told her I would try.  She said "Good. He needs plastic surgery."

Topher climbed up next to me today and wanted to look in my mouth.  He rolled my head all around looking in my mouth from different angles.  He put his eye right up to my mouth and said "Nemo?!  Where's Nemo?" 

Megan was at the ER Saturday with a migraine.  She's a big baby when it comes to shots.  The nurse came in with two shots for her.  The nurse asks "are you allergic to anything?"  Megan replies "Needles."

And that's a Wrap! A week of Halloween - Day 7

We didn't get to have any of the kids for Trick-or-Treat this year.  It was Toph-Anna's mother's weekend and Chlo-Riley wanted to go with their dad.  Halloween is also Anna's birthday, so Sunday night when everyone was home we had a little birthday party.   




Topher the shark!

 

Anna as Tinkerbell

 Chloe the little devil (minus her horns)

 

Riley the snow princess

Megan didn't dress up.  :-(  She did last year as a bumble bee.  Hope everyone had a happy halloween!

Halloween Horror... A week of Halloween - Day 6

Remember the costumes we had when we were kids? I usually dressed up like a witch or a “rock star” with things around the house. I've always loved costumes, but have never really dressed up much myself except a few random things around the shop that didn't sell.

In the third grade, I convinced my mom to buy me one of those “costume in a box” things. She tried to convince me they were awful but I had my heart set and couldn't be dissuaded. It was hot that year and I didn't wear clothes under my thin plastic skeleton costume. Sure enough halfway through the night the flimsy stuff ripped all the way down the back.  I was with a friend and her aunt instead of my mom and they wouldn't take me home! I had to walk around all night with my backside hanging out. Talk about Halloween horror!

And here's a cute picture from Halloween 2003 of my nephew Taylor, just because it's adorable.  

A little Deviation... A week of Halloween - Day 5

It's a really little diamond, but it's still a diamond!

Yesss! It has glitter on it.

Today's post isn't about Halloween at all.  It's about some really big news for our household shared here to preserve for posterity. 

Friday, Rob and I finally made it official. We got engaged. I knew when I'd be getting the ring and I knew what it looked like since I helped pick it out. Before I came home, Rob showed it off to the girls who thought it was pretty great. This is the conversation that happened when I called on the way.

Riley, whispering:   I have to tell you a secret!!!

Me:   You do? What is it?

Riley:   Rob's going to proposeD

Me, pretending surprise:   What?! No way!

Riley, all giggly:   And he has a really special ring!

Me:   A ring?

Riley:   And it has a diamond in it!

Me:   A diamond? Really? (I'm not a very good actress, but hey, she's 7.)

Riley:   Well, it's a really little diamond, but it's still a diamond!

Chloe, in the background:   I want to talk!

Chloe:   Hey mommy.

Me:   Hey CoCo. Is it true? Did he get a ring?

Chloe:   Yesssss! And it has glitter on it.

Me:  OooOooo

Chloe:  Gotta go!  ::click:: 

  

It's a beautiful ring and in no way small.  We finally figured out that since none of use really wear much jewelry Riley thought all diamonds were the size of ice cubes, since that's how it always looks in cartoons and movies.  Her future fiance' may be in trouble!

Thank you to everyone for their congratulations and for sharing in our happiness!

Winner takes All... A week of Halloween - Day 4

But I don't heart vampires. I heart werewolves.

This year, Chloe didn't want to dress up for her class party. They had to be a story-book character and she just wasn't feeling it. Riley's class wasn't allowed to dress up at all. I got each of them a Halloween shirt to wear to school. They both wanted the same shirt.

Whenever they both want something and there's only one, they have to do rock, paper, scissors best 3 out of 5. Except somehow Chloe always wins. It doesn't seem quite fair. But it's impossible to cheat, so Riley really needs to learns some RPS strategy. Can you imagine if they were playing rock, paper, scissors, lizard, Spock instead?

Riley was so disappointed, resulting in an out of proportion tantrum like she hasn't had in years. Most likely because she was still feeling bad from a strep infection. “But Riley, look, it says I Heart Vampires!” She looked at me with a deadly gaze. “I don't heart vampires. I heart werewolves.” Nice to know even though she hasn't seen Twilight she's still Team Jacob! :-)

No Tricks, Please... A week of Halloween - Day 3

No line today.  Just musings.

For our family, picking out our Halloween costumes is usually a long, arduous task.  Homemade, it takes planning and time.  Lots of love, sweat and tears go into these things.  They are things that I hope one day will be passed on to my grandchildren.  You know, in 20 years.

So about February I start asking the kids what they want to be this year.  I offer suggestions and usually try to get everybody to agree on a theme for the whole family, like zombies or 7 dwarfs or pirates.  Not a chance.  In fact, nailing down what they are going to be comes down to the last possible minute resulting in a mad sewing marathon.  And there's usually a few frustrated protests during fittings of "why can't we just buy our costumes?"

This year things are so crazy busy with school that handmade costumes were going to be tough.  So I gave in out of necessity and store-bought it is.  Having children has given me the perfect opportunity to dress them up however I want.  Especially when they're too little to protest much about being embarrassed.  

I'm already thinking about next year when I'll have time to bring out the sewing machine again!

Ghosts of Halloweens Past... A week of Halloween - Day 2

"WOOooooOOoooOO...  I'm the ghost of your future Halloween self...." 

I'm beginning to notice a trend of a lot of these being said in the car.  This morning, Anna was talking about trick-or-treat and Topher started making ghostly noises.  Riley chimes in "WOOooooOOoooOO...  I'm the ghost of your future Halloween self...."  I think she's watched A Christmas Carol recently, the one with Patrick Stewart.  She loves that movie.  

Now if it were the ghost of Halloween past, Marley's ghost would take Riley back to the Halloween of 2006.  She was 3 and was all set to be Fiona from Shrek.  She was dressed, Chloe was gussied up like Jesse from Toy Story 2 (see yesterday's post) and Megan created her own costume. Dead Elvis.  They were running around the house while I got myself ready trying to pull a costume together out in the shop from unsold Renaissance garb.  

Megan walks in and says "Mom!  Riley's put goo all in her hair."  Goo in her hair?  What kind of goo?  "Can you wash it out for me while I finish getting ready?"  "Geez Mom!"  Off they go to the bathroom.  30 seconds later, they return with Megan freaking out.  "It's not goo, mom!  It's hair remover!"

I rushed Riley to the bathtub to wash it out, hoping that it hasn't been on long enough to do any real damage.  Wishful thinking.  I watched in horror as her beautiful long blond hair snaked its way to the bathtub drain.  I cried, then laughed, then cried some more.  This picture, taken that night, doesn't show how bald half her head would become.  Her hair fell out steadily for days.  It covered more than half the back of her head, smooth as a baby's butt. 

We hadn't planned on buying a wig for her costume so she couldn't be Fiona. She cried saying that she wouldn't look pretty anymore and didn't want anyone to look at her.  Her biggest concern was that her cousin Taylor, also 3, wouldn't think she was a princess anymore.  

What could we do?  Just one last minute option.  The only costume that hadn't sold from Halloween that year was a very plain witch.  Adult size 22.  Luckily a drawstring waist and an above the knee skirt will fit a tall three year old.  The bodice had to be cut down but putting a few seams at the pleats, sides, and center back was quick enough to get us out the door to trick-or-treat.

This is definitely my all-time favorite Halloween memory.  We all look back on it and laugh, even Riley.  She still has a very bad habit of emptying bottles of "goo" everywhere and gets in trouble for it on a regular basis.  She says she's "experimenting".  Let's hope she doesn't repeat the Halloween Hair experiment anytime soon.

A week of Halloween, Day 1

"When do I get my own blog?"

The kids have heard me talking to Rob in the last couple of weeks about the blog.  Last week I explained to them what a blog was and why I was writing this one.  Now they think that the line of the day has to be funny, and they think it can be a joke.  Almost every day Riley has come up to me with a new joke and says "Mom, here's one for your blog."  Then proceeds to tell me the usual kid jokes (not her boyfriend's) except in true Riley fashion she says "get it?" and then explains every detail of the joke to you, just in case.

While working on the laptop yesterday, Chloe came up to me and said "When can I get my own blog?"  I just laughed and shook my head.  But then I thought that maybe she might have something on her mind she'd like to say.  While getting ready for dance class today in her Halloween inspired tutu and tights I asked her if she had a blog what she would write about.  Her response?  "About how I don't want to wear this costume, that's what."  

What?!  My sweet little punk ballerina doesn't want to wear a costume?!  What parallel universe did I wake up in?  This child lives in costume.  Eats, sleeps, breathes in costume.  She's the quiet imaginary universe child of the family.  I used to make costumes for a living!  Oh, my heart!  It gets worse.  I asked who she wanted to dress up as for the "favorite story-book character" party at school on Friday.  This time "I don't want to dress up.  I want to go as me.  I'll wear a Halloween shirt or something."  (Our school system is no longer allowed to have an official "Halloween Party" so they do a book character or career costume day instead.)

As I sat watching her at dance class, it was all I could think about.  My soul about to crumble, I asked her to tell me what was bothering her, why she didn't want to wear a costume.  "Because these costumes are itchy.  You didn't make them, and they're itchy."  Awwww!  It turned out to be such a simple thing and not some weird paradigm shift after all.  I didn't have time this fall to make the kids' costumes because of the busy schedule getting through this last semester at school.  First time since 1994.  And while I feel a little bad about it, at least now I know they're appreciated. 

More Halloween to come...

It's not the Years in the Life, It's the Life in your Years...

"I don't care if it takes a long time.  I just want to keep having birthdays."

Chloe stayed home from school sick with an asthma attack that had kept her up the whole night before.  She was mothering her favorite stuffed puppy, gently wrapping it in a soft blanket and talking to it softly.  I smiled at her and said "Chloe, you're going to be a really great mother someday.  But you have to wait at least 20 years."  She help up her hands and shook her head and said "I know.  But I don't care if it takes a long time.  I just want to keep having birthdays."

And thank you Abe Lincoln for the so true quote, "It's not the years in your life that matter, it's the life in your years."  I hope all our years are as full of life as childhood.

"My homework was not stolen by a one-armed man." ~ Bart Simpson

 "This. IS. TORTURE! Other people call it paperwork."

Nursing school is a form of torture that a chosen few inflict upon themselves in order to embark on a career of quality empathetic care for those in need.  If you're lucky, you'll walk across the stage with your empathy in tact. No, I'm just kidding.  Mostly.  Halfway through my last semester ::fingers crossed:: and I can honestly say that I've never done anything more difficult in my life.  Or as my lovely friend Charley said in class the other day, "I think I just threw up in my brain."

My kids think they've got it tough when it comes to homework.  The first and second graders think their one or two pages a night is brutal and it's a battle royale every night to get it completed.  Tonight Chloe had several spelling pages to do.  She usually is okay with this, but Riley was doing spelling right beside her. Riley spells out loud.  After about 15 minutes of frustrated scribble/erase, scribble/erase, Chloe claps her paper over her face and exclaims "This. IS. TORTURE!"  Removes the papers from her face and looks at me, deadpan, and adds "Other people call it paperwork."

They're too young to realize that things get more difficult.  That the older you get, the more responsibility you have.  They ask me all the time why I have to go to school and each time I explain that it's so I can provide them with good things and for myself when I "get old."  

Dr. Phil says (did I say that?  Who said that?  Phil, schmeel.)  Anyway, that having a child is at least equivalent to a 40 hour/week job.  I'm assuming that's in support of stay at home mom's who feel taken advantage of by their "working" partner.  But in truth, being a parent is like having homework every day for the rest of your life.  Only in this case, your homework makes you laugh, cry, and gives really great hugs.

Little Known Facts About the Food Chain

"Dwagons eat dedephants."

Picking Anna and Topher up from daycare (Hi Sibyl!) the other day, there were cows in the field beside the road. This is the conversation that followed.

Anna:  Cows, daddy!  Cows!  (now I don't know why this was exciting, since we have cows as neighbors on two sides of our house and they even sometimes escape into our yard, but there must have been something really special about these bovine beauties.)  Cows, daddy!  Cows!

Rob:  What do cows say?

Anna:  Maaoooooooooooooo!

Rob:  What do cows eat?

Anna:  Ummmm.....

Rob:  Where do they live?  Do they live in the field?

Anna:  UmHmmm.

Rob:  So what do they eat?

Anna:  ::looks around::  ummmmm.... grass!

Rob:  That's right!  What do lions eat?

 Anna:  RAWR!  Trees!  RAWR!  

Rob:  Noooo.  Lions eat other animals.  Little ones.  Like goats and ponies.  (Really Rob?  You want to go there?  Do you know what you're getting yourself into?)  What do dragons eat?

Anna:  Dwagons eat Dedephants!  

Rob:  What does daddy eat?  

Anna:  Horses!

Rob:  What does mama eat?

Anna:  Ponies!

Rob:  What does Chlo-Riley eat?

Anna:  Kitties.  (I don't know how Rob was holding it together at this point, but see what I mean about what he was getting himself into?)

Rob:  What does Topher eat?

Anna:  Chicken nuggets! 

There are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio

"And the sun ran away from the moon...because he doesn't like the moon...then the sun is like 'aaaaah! where's my juice?!'"

On the way home from dance yesterday the sun was setting and the moon coming up and Anna starts to sing nursery rhymes.  Hey diddle diddle, the cat in the fiddle, "And the sun ran away from the moon...because he doesn't like the moon...then the sun is like 'aaaaah! where's my juice?!'"  This is Anna's take on why the sun goes down.  It just doesn't like the moon because the the moon chases it around.  So the sun goes to bed with a sippee cup.   

This is what happens when you try to give a legitimate answer to kids questions about their surroundings.   I believe children should learn as much as they can about science from an early age.  Peak their interest early and it just might stick.

When Riley was about 4, we were driving one night and she said "the moon's following us."  I said "It sure does look that way, doesn't it?  But really what's happening is..."  "I know, I know" she said.  "It's cause we're spinning around and we're not flat."  It made me realize that little people are capable of grasping concepts that we don't give them credit for.  They listen even when we don't think they are sometimes.  We have a responsibility to feed their brains!

Wove, Twue Wove

"Nobody else thinks my boyfriend's jokes are funny, but I do.  I always laugh."

Chlo-Riley stayed home from school today not feeling well.  There's been this funk going around the whole family starting with Topher 2 weeks ago.  It's finally made its way through all of us, including my mom whom it hit pretty hard.  And I feel guilty that I've been spending so much time studying for this huge test (the pass it or don't graduate kind of test) for nursing school that I have to take on Thursday.  So when the kids ask for waffles for lunch instead of the slightly healthier quesadillas I say "sure, why not?"

So I'm standing there buttering waffles and Riley comes up to me and says "Hey mom, here's a joke.  How do you fix a sick tomato?"  "Ummm, I don't know Riley.  How?"  "With tomato juice."  The look on her face when I laugh is very satisfied but tells me that she knows the joke doesn't make a lot of sense.  Then she explains.  "That's my boyfriend's joke.  Nobody else thinks my boyfriend's jokes are funny, but I do.  I always laugh."  And then my heart dutifully melts.  At this point in life, my 7 year old understands budding relationships.  Laugh at all his jokes, even when they're not funny.  She probably lets him win at kickball, too.  

Meanwhile, Chloe is in the background singing "Everybody loves the Michigan Rag.
 

I love my children.  "And wove, twue wove, wiww fowwow you fowevah and evah… So tweasuwe youw wove."

Getting caught up...

Here are some I can remember starting with the most recent going back to the original line of the day.

"I used to be allergic to sharks, but now I'm okay."  By one of Chloe's classmates, age 6, in anticipation of seeing the "shark you can pet" at the World Equestrian Games.

"You shouldn't have to ground your kid from pickles."  Me to Rob about Riley.  Our whole family loves pickles.  We buy those big gallon jars of the huge dill pickles and the kids just help themselves.  But Riley likes to cut them up with a butter knife and makes these huge messes, and she'll do it just anywhere, like the middle of her bed.  After her 3rd huge pickle mess of the day, pickles were officially off-limits for two weeks.

"Momma would wish for sleep.  And for Chlo-Riley go sleep"  Anna to Rob about Me.  On the way to daycare in the wee hours of the morning, Anna looked out the window and saw a star and said she was going to make a wish. Rob asked what each member of the family would wish for and when he got to me, that's what she said. Those two definitely don't stay in bed.  She knows me so well!

"He used to be a human.  Now he's a psychopath."  Riley to Me explaining about Ponyo's dad.

"Mom, where's Viagra Falls?"  Chloe

"All persons under the age of 20 should be transported like Hannibal Lecter."  Me to Rob while we had a car full of screaming, fighting, loud children.  (Sorry about the link.. Pete Wentz is just so much cuter than Anthony Hopkins.)

"If it's on sale and you buy it, but you didn't really need it, then you're not really saving money, now are you?"  Riley, age 6 on hearing an after Christmas ad on tv.

Riley, age 5, Chloe age 4

Riley:  Chloe, stop it!

Chloe: You're not the boss of me Riley!

Riley:  I'm the boss of this fingernail polish and if you want it done, stop.

Me: Don't lay donuts on the coffee table.  Get a plate!

Riley, age 5:  Who came up with that policy? 

Chloe, age 4:  I want a baby brother.  Ha!  I thought that was hilarious!  Little did I know that I would meet Rob right after this and she'd get not only a little brother but a little sister too!  Joke's on me.

"Don't put the bologna on your face!"  Me to Chloe, age 2, who used to like to bite a hole in the center of the bologna and then stick her tongue through it, meaning the bologna had to lay on her face.  Eww!  Wish I had a picture of that!

And the original line of the day so many years ago...

"Boy my poopy's tired!"  Megan, age 2, trying to say she was pooped.  This was made especially funny because we were in the bathroom and she was sitting on the toilet like a chair, leaning her head on the back.

There are so many more.  I really should have started writing these down sooner.  I'm sure some of them will come back to me and I'll post them as I post the new ones. 

Why this blog exists.

Over the years as a parent, I've said many things I never thought I would have to say; things that you think go without saying.  It goes beyond the whole "because I said so" I sound just like my mother thing.  I realized that my family was going to be a grand adventure the day I told my daughter Chloe, then 2, "No, don't put the bologna on your face!"  All kids say cute things and things that leave you totally nonplussed.  But when you multiply that times 5 kids and 2 very wacky adults, well...  this is what you get.  

Let me introduce you to our family.  There's Rob and myself, no need to disclose ages there, right?  Megan, about to turn 17, nicknames: Mouse and MegaMouse.  Riley is 7, aka Roo.  Chloe, age 6, answers to Worm or Co-Co.  Anna, 4, goes by Annabelle or Annabelly.  Christopher is almost 3 and will answer to anything but is usually Topher, Topheroni, or Roni.  And then Anna and Topher both refer to Chloe and Riley collectively as "Chlo-Riley" and that's sorta stuck, and now there's Anni-Fer or Toph-Anna.  We are definitely a nickname family.  You can see our mugs by clicking on the links above or in the slideshow.  I would post a family picture here but it's an impossibility to get all of us to be still long enough to get into one shot without it winding up with 7 blurry blobs.

As you can see, we have a wide age range.  We also have a very small amount of space and privacy is a very precious commodity attained usually only when the kids are away on weekend visitation.  These things contribute a lot to the things that are so funny.  The little kids will mock the bigger ones, the bigger ones try to teach the little ones how to do something.  If it's from one of us "grown-ups" it's probably because the kids are doing something so off-the-wall it results in an insane command. 

We've been looking for a way to record these moments for posterity.  I don't consider that anything I might have to say is "blog-worthy" but it does provide a more creative way than keeping a journal I'll never write in.  There's a lot of "line of the day" moments to catch up on so keep reading!